alixrianne: kurt hummel likes boys (Default)
Haven't posted anything in a while. I'm not really sure why. Laziness, lack of motivation, nothing to talk about, all of the above. However, there is now stuff to discuss even if it's just to myself on this blog.

1.) In a rare fit of rebellion, I got a tattoo. My parents do not know about it. It's a doe with the word 'always' underneath it. Harry Potter fans will know what it means. I love it. I absolutely love it. But I couldn't tell my parents about getting one simply because I knew my mother wouldn't let me. I mean, she didn't even let me dye my hair red when I was in high school. Although, she did let my sister dye her hair whatever color she wanted several times. So, I did something for myself for once and got my tattoo. I don't regret it.

2.) My mother spent $2000 on a golden retriever puppy that we've named Luna. She's a little ball of fluffy terror, but she's cute. Therefore, it all balances out. However, I find myself getting stuck on puppy-sitting duty more often than not, and it's a little bit annoying. Luna is supposed to be going through training right now so she won't chew holes in my hands and feet, but mom tends to forget that small little detail. I have no idea how to go about training a dog. That's mom's deal, but I keep getting stuck watching over this adorable, hyperactive, fluffy monster. I'll get over it, I suppose.

3.) My papaw's been in and out of the hospital a lot lately, and I'm really worried about him. He's got cancer that keeps coming back and spreading, and he's had several heart attacks just within a few weeks of each other. My grandmother is becoming more and more forgetful, and I'm afraid that one day she's going to forget and leave the oven on or something and then something bad could happen. My uncle has a small aneurysm in his heart, and it turns out that it's genetic. Luckily, it was caught early, and can be monitored to see if it gets any better. My other uncle on the same side most likely died of the same thing, and my mom probably has it, too, but she still hasn't gotten it checked out.

4.) On a brighter note, I've found a new show to focus my attentions on. The show itself, Criminal Minds, isn't new, but it's pretty awesome. Dr. Spencer Reid is seriously sexy. He's a genius who graduated high school at age twelve, and at age 24, he already had three doctorates.

See? Sexy. ;)

5.) Finally, my parents are separating. To be completely honest, I knew it was coming. I just never really knew when. I mean, they don't even sleep in the same room anymore. They haven't for years. But really, I think it completely kicked in when I noticed that they never said I love you to each other, and they haven't for quite a while. Even though I know everything's going to be okay, it still kind of hurts. I kind of wish that their separation had stemmed from an argument. I know that sounds awful, but the fact that they're separating because they just don't love each other anymore is somewhat heartbreaking. I don't know. However, I do think that this whole mess is a big part of why my dad is hardly ever home. He leaves seriously early for work, and doesn't get back until past nine pm most nights. I hardly ever see him anymore, and when I do, he's mostly in a bad mood. Like tonight, for instance. I asked him how his day was, and he was surly and gave me a "fine" and didn't say another word. I've barely seen him at all this summer, and I'm going back to school in a few days. It's frustrating.

I'm kind of seriously tired of everything.
alixrianne: kurt hummel likes boys (Default)
The first amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America decrees, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances." (1)

Is it not true that the colonists who landed at Plymouth Rock were escaping religious persecution?

Is this not a free country?

Then why do I feel like I'm going to be persecuted for my beliefs if I make them known?

I am an atheist. I do not believe that there is a god. It's as simple as that. I favor the facts of science over "facts" of faith.

However, this does not mean that I am going to think that all people of faith are uneducated or are naive. The majority of my friends are Christian. My parents are Christian. I don't think that any of them are stupid. I respect their beliefs.

All I want is the same in return.

However, I don't get that luxury. I know that if I ever told some of my friends that I am an atheist they would immediately start an argument with me and tell me that I'm wrong.

Normally, I just kind of let this stuff just pass on by without getting too annoyed. Lately, however, I find that I keep getting more and more pissed off whenever someone starts preaching about God and Christianity to me.

It really started getting to me earlier this year at the start of my freshman year at Tennessee Technological University. Within the very first day, I was getting pamphlets and cards all asking me to join [insert religious organization here]. There were fliers posted up in the hallway of my dorm promoting bible studies and church services. In fact, there still are. And then, in my English class, there was a girl who I had the misfortune to sit next to. Every single day she would spout off some sort of promotion for the Methodist organization on campus. Every. Single. Fucking. Day.

And if that wasn't bad enough, my English professor himself started incorporating God into the lessons. He would read religious poetry or use religious articles for sources. All this time I was just thinking to myself, since when did I sign up to go to a private, church affiliated school?

This is a public college. There are people of many different nationalities, cultures, and religions here. In what way is it acceptable to be forcing a Christian agenda upon these students?

I've found myself so desperately wanting to ask my teacher to lay off the God talk. And I would. If I didn't think that it would make even the few acquaintances that I've made in the class treat me like a pariah. I suppose that if I had a stable group of friends here, then I would be more likely to express my opinion of such matters. But I don't. I don't have a single friend here at college, and let me tell you. There's no more lonely feeling that to be too hesitant and too anxious to actually talk to somebody.

But my point is that since I don't have any friends here, I feel like I need to be as agreeable as possible so that maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to make some sort of human connection.

And there lies the problem. It seems to me that every single person I've encountered so far follows some sort of religion. And then there's me. The atheist. You see, there's no atheist club for me to go to.

And all the time, I see politicians (mainly republicans, but some democrats as well) bringing God and Christianity into our government. To put it simply, it pisses me off. I have no desire to live in a country that regulates religion, and it's looking more and more like that's where this country is heading.

George Bush Sr. reportedly said in an interview, "No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered as patriots. This is one nation under God." That frightens me to be honest. While we may have Obama right now, I highly doubt that he will be getting a second term, and I think that there's going to be a fairly good chance that Sarah Palin is going to be running for president.

I honestly believe that if she becomes president, and if the senate and house are of a Christian majority, this country has a pretty good chance of becoming a theocracy.

The fact of the matter is, I'm tired of feeling like my beliefs don't matter. That just because I'm not of the popular opinion, I must be wrong. I know that not all Christians are quite so voracious, but I believe that the sensible Christians are far outweighed by the...I'm just going to say it...religious nut jobs.

Is that really what we want to be teaching our children?

It's disgusting, really. I'm just glad that Cookeville finally got rid of this billboard.

I flipped it off every time I drove past it.

But really, I'm just tired of all this bullshit.

alixrianne: kurt hummel likes boys (Default)
Seriously. It seems like half of the female portion of my graduating class (2010) are pregnant and married...or just pregnant. Don't get me wrong. I fully support a woman's right to have and raise a child on her own. I just seriously doubt that many of the girls ('cause that's what they are. Girls.) who are pregnant do not have the maturity and common sense to be able to raise a child.

One of them used to smoke large amounts of pot and use a multitude of other drugs. I seriously doubt that she stopped in the ten months since graduation. And she didn't get pregnant on was on purpose. I not understand.

And it's not just the irresponsible "ex" druggies who are deciding to get married and pregnant at 18/19. It's a lot of the supposedly intelligent and well behaved ones, too. One girl married a guy that she had been dating for about four months, immediately after graduation, and has now popped out a baby ten months later. She's now trying to juggle college and a baby at the same damn time.

What the fuck.

I mean, is it just me, or does that just not make sense?

Why would you ever make the conscious decision to have a child so young in your life? These girls aren't giving themselves the chance to get a full, uninterrupted education. They aren't giving themselves the chance to find out what exists beyond no-one-knows-where-the-fuck-it-is-cause-it's-so-damn-tiny, TN.

Why not go to college or even a trade school first, get a decent education so you can get a decent job to be able to support yourself before you decide to start a family? Why not have that comfort to know that you'll actually be able to support a child if, spaghetti monster in the sky forbid, your husband or boyfriend leaves? Or dies and doesn't have life insurance?

It's really fucking stupid to depend solely someone other than yourself to take care of you and your child. I mean, the estimated divorce rate in America is %50. Fifty fucking percent. Higher for those who marry young.

It's not rocket science, people.

Personally, I don't even know if I want kids. I definitely know that I don't want to get married (if at all) until later in life. Like late thirties, early forties. If I decide that I want kids, and by that time I can't produce my own or whatever, then I'll adopt. There are tons of kids out there who need homes, and I don't really want to contribute to the already high birth rates. This planet is too damn crowded as it is.

I just honestly cannot understand why at least ten of the 150 graduates in my class have decided to just...I don't really know how to say it...I guess I think that they're all trying to grow up way too fast.

I don't know. Maybe I'm being too harsh or whatever, but that's my opinion. I think that they're all being stupid.

When all of these pregnant girls post baby related statuses on Facebook, I have to restrain myself from commenting things like "You reproduced? Seriously? What the hell made you think that was a good idea?"

Ugh. And people wonder why I don't like socializing.
alixrianne: kurt hummel likes boys (Default)
I've started writing a fic.


I haven't written fic in years. Seriously. The last fic I wrote was some crappy little thing for a Brothers and Sisters community that I used to be a part of.

I'm still kind of in shock that I've already gotten down 600 words and have plans for quite a bit more.

I suppose this is what I get for looking around on the Glee angst meme. I found an unfilled prompt that I really wanted to see filled, but it wasn't so I just was all like...screw it. I'm writing this. Of course, then the mods froze the meme until April 4th today, and all comments added to it will be promptly deleted. >__<

I didn't even get the chance to tell the OP that I was snagging his/her prompt.

On the bright side, this gives me plenty of time to finish up the fill and get it all cleaned up.

I really hope that I can finish it. It's just been so long, and I was never all that good at fic writing. Of course, I was like...14 the last time I wrote a fic, so hopefully my writing skills have improved.

On another note, the friend from a previous post, Alexis?

Yeah, she texted me last week and asked if I wanted to go see a community production of Grease that some of our friends were in. So I did. And I was having a good time. It was good to see Alexis again. It was nice to know that she hasn't made any friends at college either (of course this isn't because she's unsociable like me. It's because she spends all of her free time either at work or at her boyfriend's apartment). But then, when we were sitting in the Sonic parking lot (because that's all there is to do in my hometown.) she said that she had asked her boyfriend to go see the play with her first, but he'd had to work.

So, thank you, Alexis, for making it known that I was your second choice.


I don't even know what to do with myself.
alixrianne: kurt hummel likes boys (Default)

alixrianne: kurt hummel likes boys (Default)

I've kind of gotten to the point where I just want to say screw it and move to a cabin in the middle of no where with absolutely no contact with the outside world with the exception using the internet for fanfiction.

You'd think that a best friend of ten years would talk to you more.

You'd think that another best friend of four years (one of which she actually lived with you) would talk to you more.

You'd think that...but you'd be wrong.

I am seriously getting so tired of my "best friends" Mallory and Alexis (yes, I'm naming names here because they don't use livejournal, and even if they did, I highly doubt that they would care enough to read my journal.) only talking to me when they need something.

I've been there for them countless times over the years.

I've never given up on Alexis even though she has a habit of dropping me whenever she feels like it to get  a new best friend. That's happened four times over the years. Three out of four of those times ended rather painfully for her, but I was there to pick up the pieces because I' a good person, and for some stupid reason, I actually care about her. Silly me.

So, Alexis goes to college about four hours away from me. She promised me on the last day that we saw each other before going to our respective colleges that she would never let us grow apart. And I think that is what hurts the most about all of this. She gave me her word that she wasn't just going to forget me.

She fucking lied. Any time that we talk, I'm the one who instigates the conversation. Always. Without fail.

I text her first, I email her first, I'm the one who asks her when she'll be back in our hometown so that we can meet up on a weekend or something.

She doesn't even try. So, a while back, I decided not to talk to her at all and see how long it would take for her to contact me for once.

Guess what? She didn't. Not for months. Not until I opened up my facebook and saw that I had a message from her.

Of course I got kind of excited, thinking that she actually wanted to hang out with me. (I'm pathetic, I know. I'm completely and totally willing to just forgive her for everything immediately)

However, all she wanted to know was if she and her new best friend could use my facebook profile to look at someone's page who had blocked them both. That's it. No "hey, how are you", or "I miss you and we need to go do something this weekend" Nothing.

hey alix, kara and i were wondering if we can look at hannahs profile using your profile because she blocked us all. haha apparently shes engaged to that thirty year old guy from church  ← That's her message to me.

I honestly wish that I had been strong enough to tell her no.

Then there's Mallory. Mallory was like a sister to me. She was constantly over at my house, we shared everything, and she even moved in with me and my family when her mother kicked her out.

But then James came along.

As soon as they started dating, it was like I didn't even exist. She was one room away from me, and I never saw her except in the mornings when I drove us to school.

And so we went to separate schools, and I honestly didn't really expect to hear from her ever again. I was somewhat right. I would text her, and she would occasionally text me back, and that was about it.

However, she would come home periodically on weekends and would stop in to say hi for a few hours. Unfortunately, James, supreme douchebag of the universe would always be with her.

So lately, it had been a few months since hearing from her as well, and she texted me one day randomly. I didn't even bother to get my hopes up, and I was right not to.

"What's the username and password to the Netflix account?"

That's it.

And I really should stop complaining. If I'm so upset by them, I should talk to them or just stop caring completely.

But I can't. And it hurts every single damn time.

So basically, this past couple of weeks have been horrible. From my dog dying, to doing bad on a couple of tests, it all kind of came to a big giant ball of suck on Thursday morning when I rammed my toe into the leg of my step stool. I just sat down and cried, and not just because of the pain (it hurt like a bitch, swelled to twice it's normal size, turned purple, and I walked with a limp for four days). I was crying because I find myself just hating everything about this year.

College sucks because I get anxious and can't talk to people without stuttering or making an idiot of myself so I have no friends here. I've lost my two closest friends and the dog that I've had since about the second grade. And I just kind of want to curl up in a ball and not move for a very long time.

All I can say is that I'm very thankful for my family, and the fact that I still have three friends to hold on to.

So thank you, Jennifer, Daniel, Andi, Mom, Dad, and Kelly.

You all are awesome.
alixrianne: kurt hummel likes boys (Default)
I love fanfiction. It is a huge part of my life that I will never want to give up. There are so many amazing writers out there and they all have such amazing stories to tell.

However, there is a dark side to the world of fanfiction. This is my list of all the things that are horribly wrong with fanfiction.

1.) Mary-Sues. These little bitches are everywhere. Seriously. Now, I don't mind an OC as long as the OC isn't some super perfect, main fandom character who has the cannon character fall completely and totally in love with the OC. It's freaking annoying as hell. An example of a RENT fanfiction summary that heavily features a Mary-Sue. Mark's long lost sister goes to live with Mark and Roger. Roger can't help but be so completely and totally attracted to this amazing young girl. Will he leave Mimi to be with the love of his life?

Excuse me while I go throw up all of my internal organs. Seriously? Stuff like that makes me extremely frustrated with fanfiction. First off, the only sister that Mark has is a sister named Cindy, who is very briefly mentioned in the play. That's it. No distant cousins or aunts or grandmothers or whatever the hell else. Mary-Sues are simply self-inserts of the author. And it's stupid and immature. I have a theory that mainly middle school girls write that crap. This theory has been proven correct on occasion. (Jennifer, you know who I'm talking about.)

2.) People who type like thisssss. It'sssss soooooo annoyinggg. It'ssss nottt cuteee youuu knowww. There's only one good excuse for typing like that, and that's only if every single one of the keys on your keyboard sticks only on the last letter of any word. And that's not very likely, is it?

3.) People who don't know the difference between then and than, their, they're, and there, to, too, and two, your and you're. There is a huge freaking difference, people. If you are writing in English, please know the basics of English grammar. Please. I beg of you.

4.) This one mainly applies to Here's the deal, people. If your story isn't complete, don't mark it as such. It kind of pisses me off when I see a story that's been marked as complete pop up on the top of the page with two new chapters added on. It wouldn't be so bad if it didn't happen multiple times, over and over. When I filter for complete fics, I seriously mean complete fics only.

5.) I'm pretty open with pairings. Really. I'll read just about anything at least once. (I've even read a Snape/Hermione fic. Of course, I haven't even gone near one ever since because it was just so wrong. I'll read Fred/George, though. I'm thinking that my morals may be a little skewed.) However, I'm not too fond of pairings between people who have never even met in cannon. Take these Glee examples: Blaine/Jesse. Finn/Jesse. Santana/David. It just doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

6.) Authors who decide to rate their fics M because of a same sex pairing. Not because of smut, just because of a same sex pairing. I don't understand that. At all. In fact, it's kind of offensive. Just because there is a pair of pretty boys or girls kissing each other in your fic, it doesn't mean that it needs an M rating. Would you rate a fic M if it were just a simple romance fic between a boy and a girl?

There's probably many more to add. However, I can't quite think of anymore at the moment. If any of my (nonexistent with the exception of Jennifer) readers have their own fanfiction annoyances, feel free to tell me about them in the comments!


alixrianne: kurt hummel likes boys (Default)

November 2012

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